Random Funny: I Do Go On

One afternoon, Andy and I stopped in Sport Chalet for something he wanted. I have no more business in Sport Chalet than he has in Barnes and Noble. But somehow, for the few minutes we were there, I got romantic, absurd notions that perhaps there is an inner athlete within me, which will only surface if I buy all the cool gadgets they sell at Sport Chalet.

On every aisle and at every rack, I made the most ridiculous comments.

"Really, exercise would be a lot more fun if I wore such cute clothes while I did it!"

"I think I'd jog more often if I had this water bottle."

"What I really need is a pair of these shoes that will tone my backside." (Okay, yes, I really do need those.)

I am a marketing agency's dream.

I paused the longest at a rack of headbands--the wide, earmuff headbands that those cute, 95-pound, 20-year-old girls wear over their ears when they run around my neighborhood.

"Oh, I really need that headband thing," I said to Andy, who stood nearby. He didn't respond.

"My ears always get so cold when I walk in the mornings. And my nose. It makes my nose run. They should make one of these for your nose." Again, silence.

I sorted through the rack, looking for just the right color. "The pink is a little too cute. Black? Do you think I'm too pale for black?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Andy shift his weight uncomfortably, but he did not speak.

Without looking up, I prattled on. "What? Are they too expensive, you think? Cheaper at WalMart, probably. Or are they just too cool for me? Probably so. I probably couldn't pull one of these off, could I?"

Finally, I paused for breath and looked up for Andy's reply. Only, the man nearby was not Andy. He was a complete stranger. Andy was clear across the store. The man to whom I'd been speaking stared straight ahead with wide eyes and a red face. He was no doubt praying that this crazy woman would stop asking his opinion on headgear.

"Oh, I totally thought you were my husband!" I practically yelled at him. "I am so sorry!"

He smiled, relieved. "That's okay," he said. "I was just wondering how long you'd...go on."

Oh, sir. You aren't the only one who wonders that.